Patience and Faith

Hanging out with my teenage daughter can feel like a roller coaster ride. She can fluctuate from "I love you" to an angry "You don't get me!!" in a matter of minutes.

Yesterday was such a day, and I don't know what possessed me to take my daughter shopping. It is usually a recipe for disaster. Her graduation from 8th grade is tonight, and she wasn't happy with her choice of dresses to wear to this important occasion. Never mind that she already bought a dress with my mom. And another dress with her dad for her school dinner that cost a fortune and that she promised to wear to graduation. The former wasn't dressy enough, the latter too dressy. Nothing was just right, and she wanted to go on one more shopping excursion to explore what was 

out there.

I was clear with her: If we find an inexpensive but adorable dress for under $30, I was willing to purchase it. She agreed, and off we went to Target. Within ten minutes, she had nixed every cute and inexpensive dress.

She wanted to try one more store, so I agreed to take her to a major department store in search of a budget graduation dress. As we left Target and headed to the car, she linked her arm in mine, rested her head on my shoulder, smiled and said, "I love you, Mom!" It was a sweet moment. But it didn't last long.

The next store didn't have anything on the sale racks for under $80, and she was pulling out dresses that cost $120 and up. She asked me what the sale price might be with the coupon, and I just stared at her in disbelief. "Do you think that with a 20% off coupon, this dress will cost under $30?" I had hoped that her 8 years of education had taught her to do the math required to know that 20% off $120 is much more than $30, even if she couldn't do the exact equation 

in her head.

I told her that it was time to go, we were done, finito. She was storming mad at me on the way home. She had nothing to wear, I didn't care, I was a bad mom, we were never shopping together again, etc.

I took a deep breath, and although I was feeling disrespected and unappreciated, I let her blow off steam before letting her know how I felt. I acknowledged her frustration, her need for looking and feeling special on her important celebration. I then let her know how I felt about the strategies she used to express her disappointment in the outcome of the shopping trip. I have told her many times that it's fine for her to express anger and disappointment, but it's not okay to do it in a disrespectful way. I value kindness and mutual respect.

I left her at her dad's house and took a walk with a friend. A few hours later, when I returned with the dress that my mom had bought her, she was a totally different person again. I said, "Here's the dress that your grandma bought you for graduation. I thought you might want to wear it tomorrow night." She answered, "Thanks, mom. Yes, I am wearing 

that dress." 

Here's a quote that I recently overheard in an elevator: "Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a wall". I couldn't agree more. And there is great learning in all of this. I am continuously reminded to have patience and faith. If I don't explode, don't take things personally, don't get stressed out, things turn around. It's an important reminder for all of my life, and I am grateful for my daughter for being my great teacher!