What Are You NOT Saying?

Yesterday, my ex-husband and I drove together to my son's cemetery to pay homage to him on the anniversary of his passing. I asked my ex what he thought of my post on our son. I had forwarded him my blog post about Avi after he did me the favor of scanning and emailing the picture that I used in the post.

"I liked it", he said after hesitating for a few seconds. 

"Okay, what didn't you like about it?" I intuited. 

"Nothing, it was very nice", he replied. 

"Nice?? Please tell me the truth. It is so obvious to me that you are NOT saying something that's on your mind."

Well, after a few volleys, he finally told me what he didn't like. He said that he felt that I wrote it more from my head than my heart. And now my defenses were up. "What do you mean my head? This was written from my heart! I am hurt by your judgement and assumptions about my intentions."

So, after more digging, he got to the heart of the matter. He was yearning for a deeper connection to Avi. And for him, deep is really deep. I'm talking metaphysical and quantum physics deep. Like, we don't really exist, so Avi really doesn't exist but he always existed so he still exists, or something like that. I can't really make sense of what he was saying.

After he tried (in vain) to explain his deep thoughts, he admitted that what I wrote will reach far more people than what he has to say about Avi. And he took back what he said, or for that matter, didn't say, at the beginning of the conversation.

If you are still following me, here's what I got out of yesterday's conversation: 

1) It is just as important to hear what is being said 

    as it is to get curious about what is not being said.

2) Having the courage to stand up for what you believe in

    and speak your truth will almost always yield better results 

    than keeping it in and staying angry.

3) Getting someone to really understand you feels great!

So, what are you not saying? I encourage you to stand up and speak your truth!