Firm or Harsh?

As an entrepreneur, my business practices have been evolving over the years. I can remember a few really sticky situations where I felt undervalued and underpaid by clients. In my work as an artist, I used to get so angry when a client bargained with me over my hand-painted furniture. My heart and soul went into my work. This wasn't something made in China in a factory, but something lovingly and painstakingly created by hand. How does one figure out the value of such a thing, let alone bicker over the price??

As a life coach, I now understand that I need to take full responsibility for what I create in the client/coach relationship. That includes setting up systems where I put a value on my time and my clients' time. Where there is mutual respect. And this comes from clear communication.

My very first paid client and I had no contract. She was an acquaintance and was excited about trying this newfangled thing called coaching. I had just begun my coach's training and naively set out to coach what turned out to be one of my most difficult clients. We agreed on a fee of $200/month for 4/45 minute sessions a month. Those forty-five minutes quickly turned into an hour and a half, as I was too polite to bring a session to a close. Payment? There were many excuses for the late payment, my favorite--"I put the check in an envelope and I am so angry that my husband didn't send it out. It's buried in a pile by the door." 

Well, a month went by and this client was becoming less and less accountable to the coaching. By the fourth session, she was coaching while on a treadmill, interrupting the coaching to yell at her husband. And her main coaching agenda was to become less overwhelmed! This coaching relationship was my blueprint for what not to do in future coaching relationships.

I realized that I needed a contract, and I needed to be clear about when sessions began and ended. Many other points were made in my contract. Whenever a new issue came up, it went into my contract so as to provide even more clarity for future clients.

This past week was week 2 in my June special offer for communication skill building. Last week, my new clients didn't have clarity about who called whom. I had taken for granted that clients knew to call me, so when the clients called in ten minutes late, I took responsibility for my mistake by giving them some extra time at the end of the session. This week, one of my clients didn't call at all. I realized that I hadn't been clear about my policy on a missed call. With my regular coaching clients, I have a two hour intake session where I go over my contract and outline my policies. With these special short term clients, I didn't have a contract. So, I quickly wrote up my policies on missed and late calls. 

One client wrote me that she felt that my policies were harsh. She felt reprimanded by my words. I took a second look and didn't see what she saw. I asked her to please let me know what she found harsh and how she might say it differently.

On second look, she realized that she had a hard time when trying to be firm with others. She wrote, "I have a very hard time telling someone who approaches me in a definitive, strong tone in the context of my interactions with them. I was happy that I actually communicated something that I have so much difficulty with and you didn't get angry at me or dismiss me or get defensive. That's why I have a hard time communicating with people, 'cause I am so fearful of their reaction."

So here is what I learned through this interaction:

1) It is essential to be up front and clear about my policies.

2) It is equally important to check in with clients as to how they are receiving my policies.

3) Never assume that you know someone's intention. Interrogate the truth. Check it out with them!

When we react to someone's words, there is often a truth there that is triggering us. This client realized her own truth about her difficulty with confrontation. And I realized that I still have work to do on being a clear and firm communicator!