Transitions

The kids are coming, the kids are coming! Early this morning, the camp buses began to arrive with their precious cargo. After spending two leisurely days with staff, the climate at camp will drastically shift today. The dining room will be very noisy, programming will officially begin, and I will be very busy. 

I love to feel used up. It makes me very happy to know that my creative energy is well spent at the end of a full day. I like knowing that I have structure to my day, beginning with a vigorous walk up a steep hill and ending with coaching a client or a doing a creative project. 

So, while the noise level will increase exponentially, so will the creative energy. I welcome the chaos, knowing that it exists within a structure. Transitions are smoothest when we can see the underlying positive possibilities. How do you deal with transition in your life?

 

Reality Check

Exhausted after the four hour trip up to camp, I checked into the office to find out that I had been moved to a new room. For the past two summers, my room was one of the highlights of my camp experience. I had a large, private room, far from the noise of camp. I loved my spacious private bathroom, and enjoyed drinking my morning expresso on my patio, overlooking the idyllic vista of trees. I established close friendships with my neighbors, and we often hung out on days off.

My new room is in the most noisy building, a gathering center for the adults at camp. There is a TV in the lobby (yuck! I come to camp to get away from TV), and baby's toys are strewn all over the floor. There are twenty-four small children in camp this year and many of them live in my building. So, there are many babies up early in the morning. I am on the ground floor, adjacent to the lobby with paper-thin walls. Late at night, people come to hang out and use the computer, or to eat ice cream and snacks.

Just as I was feeling sorry for myself about my new room, a former neighbor from my old housing unit came over to me in a panic. Breathing rapidly, she told me that she is claustrophobic and they had placed her in one of the smallest rooms here. She was hoping to switch with me. I, too, am claustrophobic, so I couldn't accommodate her. I helped her make the best of her situation, and returned to my room with a whole new appreciation! I actually felt lucky.

With my new positive attitude, I changed my room around to make it feel more spacious. I felt appreciation for the woman with whom I share a bathroom. She is neat and considerate and checks in with me about shower schedules to make sure it works for me. I am so grateful for that!

I know that to some degree, I will enjoy the social life at night. My other room did get lonely sometimes, and I do have a room with a door to close when the noise and gossip get to be too much. I am now one building away from the art room, so I can go back and forth to work in seconds, much easier than my old room. And one more big advantage: my old room was moldy and musty, and I used air fresheners and candles to mask the odors, but the danger of the underlying mold always concerned me. Not in my new room! And there's a frig in the bathroom! My neighbor and I share a passion for morning coffee, so both of our coffee makers sit on top of the frig, half and half ready to go!

I feel hopeful and happy as I am about to embark on my first full day in camp. It is truly our thoughts that create our lives, and I am thinking happy positive thoughts. What will you create today to turn around a negative situation?

Making the Best of a Situation

In a few hours, I will be heading to my summer home in beautiful New Hampshire. Before you get exotic visions of my second country home, let me clarify: My New Hampshire digs consist of a moldy room in a sleep away camp. I work as an art director for two months so that my youngest daughter can go to camp.

About ten years ago, I began working in sleep away camps as art director. I had never attended camp, but in high school, my friends had raved about their camp experience as the highlight of their year. So, when the opportunity presented itself, I jumped on it. Most of my kids have enjoyed camp, but my youngest daughter, the only one who goes with me to this camp, is in love with camp. She lives for camp. She tolerates the other ten months of the year in anticipation of camp. 

I, however, do not LOVE camp. I do not enjoy many aspects of the camp, and this year it is going to be particularly challenging for me to work with some of the people at camp. After a lot of soul searching, I decided to go back to camp for a number of reasons:

Here's what I like:

1) No cooking, shopping for food, cleaning dishes for two months! 

2) I only have to take care of me, so I have much free time to create, play, have fun.

3) I meet and reconnect with a whole new community of friends in camp.

4) I love working with the kids who choose art as an elective, where I have small groups and form close relationships with campers.

5) I love the spirit at camp, especially the singing, dancing, and creativity of color war and camp play.

6) This is the best barter ever: free camp for my child! ($8,000 savings)

So, late last night, when my son decided that he no longer wanted to work with my oldest daughter at a local day camp (the job starts tomorrow!), I focused on being open and positive in order to help my kids work through this dilemma.

My daughter was angry that he wasn't honoring his commitment to her or to the camp director, fearful of who she might end up working with in his place. My son was feeling really anxious about the fact that he was the only boy working at the camp, and he was uncomfortable with the idea of changing diapers, talking to parents, and speaking to three year olds for five hours a day. While I calmly listened to both kids, I was able to see the wisdom in each perspective. I empathized with each side, and they each felt heard. By the time we all went to sleep, everyone was in a more peaceful place. 

And while it is not always possible to make everyone happy, it is possible to change your perspective. I look forward to focusing on all the positive experiences I will have this summer, and I trust that my kids will find a way to make this a summer to remember. 

As Jean Nedetch said, "It’s choice-not chance-that determines your destiny." What will you choose to focus on this summer? 

Michael Jackson: My Teacher

LOS ANGELES – Michael Jackson, defined in equal parts as the world's greatest entertainer and perhaps its most enigmatic figure, was about to attempt one of the greatest comebacks of all time. Then his life was cut shockingly — and so far, mysteriously — short.    Associated Press

It's all over the press, on every news channel: Michael Jackson is dead at age 50. His life seemed to be lived in polar extremes of pain and pleasure, excitement and devastation. There is much to blog about here, but my focus today is on a clip from the associated press above, that Jackson's life was cut short just as he was "about to attempt one of the greatest comebacks of all time". He was rehearsing for an upcoming 50 concert tour to try and mend his tarnished reputation. 

As a life coach, I couldn't help but think about how often we put things off. We have so many excuses for why we are not ready to take a step toward creating our best life. Like Michael Jackson, we make some choices that are out of alignment with who we are and stay stuck there for too long a time: a bad job, a failing marriage. We stay stuck, sometimes fearful of change.

Michael Jackson served as an icon for many things, but today he serves as a new kind of role model for me. He has reminded me to stop putting things off. To take bold steps towards living fully in alignment with who I am meant to be. To get crystal clear with my life purpose, and to boldly go where I am meant to go. Only then can I live a life of few or no regrets. Who is willing to walk that path with me?

Positive Energy

Last night, my oldest daughter had a small 21st birthday celebration for one of her closest childhood friends. I was honored to have been invited to celebrate with them. They have passed the awkward teen years where moms are geeks to be avoided at all costs. The birthday girl just returned from a semester abroad in Scotland, and when she shared her experiences of traveling through Europe, it brought back so many exciting and rich memories of my own travels through Italy and France in my twenties. It is beautiful to watch these lovely girls unfold into the flowers of their adult lives.

After ice cream cake and Smirnoff Ice, the drink of choice for non-drinking wimps like me (just because they are old enough to drink now!), we went down to the basement to watch the movie, Yes Man! They actually invited me to join them! 

For those of you who have never seen the movie, Jim Carrey plays a guy who is depressed and filled with negative energy. He goes to a seminar on the power of YES! and learns that saying yes to more things in his life will open him up to life-altering new experiences. And although much of the movie is silly, the message is very meaningful to me.

While it is not healthy to say Yes to everything in life, as Jim Carrey's character soon learns, it is important to focus on being positive and contributing to others. I am a firm believer in the philosophy that our thoughts determine the direction that our lives take. Norman Vincent Peale said it well: "Change your thoughts and change your world."

So, as my daughter and her lovely friends embark on their exciting journey through adulthood, I leave them with these thoughts: 

1) Choose to make your lives positive. 

2) Give generously and often, not only materially but through your active support and kindness to others. 

3) Take time to focus on what's working in your life. 

4) Love with your full heart.

Bringing the Spa Home

I am home from the spa after a few blissful days away. Here's my takeaway:

The spa was rustic, serene and relaxing. I took many invigorating and creative exercise classes. (Achey muscles, the result of five or six exercise classes daily). I meditated (hard to quiet my mind, a big accomplishment for me!) I ate healthy food, low in calories and carbs. No chocolate for two days! No expresso coffee. I met lovely down to earth women. Bonded with my mom. And I was pampered with a wonderful facial. 

The hardest thing for me, I am embarrassed to admit, was disconnecting from my computer and cell phone. I have become so dependent on technology, and it took a great deal of self-control to leave my cell phone in the room all day and to consciously stay away from the spa's computer. I was very focused on being fully present, enjoying the time I was at the spa, and reconnecting to my inner voice. It's hard to do that with all the noise of everyday life.

Without a TV in the room, I was able to read before bed and to go to sleep much earlier than at home, fully spent after a full day of stretching and exercising my muscles. 

I am committed to jump-starting my summer by bringing some of the spa with me.

I will:

1) Let more phone calls go to voice mail and return calls when I have the time to focus, instead of feeling obligated to speak to every person who calls. Most calls can wait. Sometimes, it's even useful to wait. Especially with my children. Given the time to work things out without my help, they are usually more resourceful. Same with clients.

2) Check email less often. Most emails are not urgent. Let my inbox get fuller and return emails in chunks of time. Better for focus.

3) Spend more time on what's really important. For me, that means when my kids want me to spend time with them, get up and make it happen. Time is precious, and we don't get those moments back. 

4) Exercise my whole body. While I already have a healthy daily practice of walking a few miles, I need to add in more stretching and core strengthening. I am committed to making this a part of my life, not just a spa indulgence that occurs once every few years!

5) Less sugar and simple carbs. I am committed to a healthier diet. I have already begun to eat mostly whole grains, much more fruits and vegetables, and leaner protein. Feels good to be a conscious eater!

How will you jump-start your life this summer? There is no time like the present to take the steps towards positive change.

Defining the Nature of Living Well

In just a few hours, I will be off to the New Age Health Spa, whose motto is "defining the nature of living well". My mom has generously offered to take me as her guest on this much needed mini-vacation. And while I should be elated to be heading to a place where my mind, body and spirit will be renewed and re-energized, I am also feeling a sense of bad timing, with too much to do, and too little time. 

Here's what I am anxious about: 

1) A week from today I leave for the summer to go to New Hampshire and work in a sleep away summer camp as art director. I need to finish programming and start packing.

2) I still need to shop for items missing from my daughter's packing list, and assist in organizing, packing and labeling clothes for my 14 year old who goes with me to camp.

3) I need to schedule my coaching clients to fit around my full time summer job.

4) I need to get my house ready for a summer rental.

And while the list above is overwhelming to me right now, it will only stay that way if I choose to focus on the future, which is not helpful to me right now. So, I am choosing to be present in order to be able to enjoy my time at the spa. 

With this new perspective, I look forward to:

1) Spending some quality time with my mom.

2) Trusting my kids to be responsible with my house and each other for three days and work out their issues so no one gets hurt!

3) Getting some extreme and much needed self care for my body and soul.

I plan to come back with the three R's: renewed, refreshed and rested. I am reframing the overwhelming tasks ahead and see them as the result of the joyful abundance of my full and fulfilling life. I am lucky to have summer work, and I appreciate my responsible and wonderful children whom I can trust to be capable of caring for each other and my home for three days (ages 21, 18 and 14, finally no babysitters!).  And with my renewed energy, I plan to go happily to all of the above tasks. 

I no longer feel overwhelmed, and I look forward to my vacation. It is coming at just the right time. I believe that things inevitably show up in our life exactly when they are most necessary. It all depends on how we see it.

Be The Match

Twelve years ago, I signed up to become a member of the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP) Registry.  I actually had my bone marrow typing tested in 1987, after the birth of my first son, Avi, who was born with a bone marrow disorder. My entire family was tested to discover if any of us was a perfect match for Avi in case he eventually needed a bone marrow transplant. Sadly, he passed away before he was five. Luckily, his bone marrow hadn't yet failed, so we never went through with the agony of a transplant. 

Six years after Avi's death, I realized that I could help save a life by registering with the NMDP. This realization helped me to create something positive out of the sad and tragic experience of losing a child. 

I got a reminder letter in the mail yesterday from the NMDP to update my contact information. I was struck by 1) how much things have changed since I first registered (a new home, divorced, new phone numbers) and 2) how the NMDP's new name, Be The Match, describes the work that I now do.

So how is my work compared to a match? As a life coach, I have learned the importance of seeing the intrinsic value in each person. I believe that there is a spark in each person, a flame that often gets veiled in self-doubt, self-beat up, and judgment. I love to see through the veils and help clients to ignite their own personal spark. I am the match, and I work with clients to fuel their own spark. In turn, they can kindle the light in others. 

How are you a match, lighting the spark in someone in your life?

Here I am!

Last night was the second graduation I attended in the last two weeks. My son's senior graduation was dry, boring, and showcased only a few of the highest achieving among the small graduating class of 24 kids. My daughter's class is even smaller with only 13 kids, and her 8th grade graduation showcased each child. It was sweet, inspiring, and each child was the star.

The theme of the graduation was "Hineni" which means "Here I am". The students each prepared a short essay of a hero in their life, either personal or historical, someone who inspired them, lived in the twentieth century, and said "Here I am" in their life.

My daughter spoke confidently and warmly about her grandfather, who served in WWII and was one of the soldiers to liberate the concentration camp, Buchenwald. She was so inspired by him and by his friend who was responsible for liberating and transporting out all of the remaining children in the camp. Another person was ready to put only 50 kids on a train, but this man stood up and said, "Hineni, here I am. I will not let a single child be left behind. We will make this work!" My mom sat next to me, weeping throughout my daughter's speech. 

So, yesterday's debacle over what to wear to graduation was quickly forgotten. Turned out that the dress wasn't the major focus of graduation after all. First, it was covered by a graduation gown for most of the evening, and in second, my daughter was finally able to see that the most important things in life are not how much we have or how much we spend, but the good deeds we do. 

How will you step forth and say "Hineni, here I am" today?

Patience and Faith

Hanging out with my teenage daughter can feel like a roller coaster ride. She can fluctuate from "I love you" to an angry "You don't get me!!" in a matter of minutes.

Yesterday was such a day, and I don't know what possessed me to take my daughter shopping. It is usually a recipe for disaster. Her graduation from 8th grade is tonight, and she wasn't happy with her choice of dresses to wear to this important occasion. Never mind that she already bought a dress with my mom. And another dress with her dad for her school dinner that cost a fortune and that she promised to wear to graduation. The former wasn't dressy enough, the latter too dressy. Nothing was just right, and she wanted to go on one more shopping excursion to explore what was 

out there.

I was clear with her: If we find an inexpensive but adorable dress for under $30, I was willing to purchase it. She agreed, and off we went to Target. Within ten minutes, she had nixed every cute and inexpensive dress.

She wanted to try one more store, so I agreed to take her to a major department store in search of a budget graduation dress. As we left Target and headed to the car, she linked her arm in mine, rested her head on my shoulder, smiled and said, "I love you, Mom!" It was a sweet moment. But it didn't last long.

The next store didn't have anything on the sale racks for under $80, and she was pulling out dresses that cost $120 and up. She asked me what the sale price might be with the coupon, and I just stared at her in disbelief. "Do you think that with a 20% off coupon, this dress will cost under $30?" I had hoped that her 8 years of education had taught her to do the math required to know that 20% off $120 is much more than $30, even if she couldn't do the exact equation 

in her head.

I told her that it was time to go, we were done, finito. She was storming mad at me on the way home. She had nothing to wear, I didn't care, I was a bad mom, we were never shopping together again, etc.

I took a deep breath, and although I was feeling disrespected and unappreciated, I let her blow off steam before letting her know how I felt. I acknowledged her frustration, her need for looking and feeling special on her important celebration. I then let her know how I felt about the strategies she used to express her disappointment in the outcome of the shopping trip. I have told her many times that it's fine for her to express anger and disappointment, but it's not okay to do it in a disrespectful way. I value kindness and mutual respect.

I left her at her dad's house and took a walk with a friend. A few hours later, when I returned with the dress that my mom had bought her, she was a totally different person again. I said, "Here's the dress that your grandma bought you for graduation. I thought you might want to wear it tomorrow night." She answered, "Thanks, mom. Yes, I am wearing 

that dress." 

Here's a quote that I recently overheard in an elevator: "Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a wall". I couldn't agree more. And there is great learning in all of this. I am continuously reminded to have patience and faith. If I don't explode, don't take things personally, don't get stressed out, things turn around. It's an important reminder for all of my life, and I am grateful for my daughter for being my great teacher!

The Morning After

What a night I had! 

Here's what I did to make it happen:

Invite my closest friends and relatives

Delegate out the pot luck dinner and desserts

Clean the house and set the table

Sit back and watch the magic unfold.

Sounds simple, right? Last night I celebrated my 50th birthday three years and two months late. I turned 50 at a tumultuous time in my life, and I didn't want to let the opportunity to celebrate slip away. The problem was that I was making it so hard to plan this party. I wanted it to be important. Big and memorable! Fun and warm and meaningful and unique. So I kept putting it off. 

Finally, I worked with my life coach, Jane Pollak, on setting a date and planning the party. I made it easy, and a small group of my closest friends came through with so much love and help. The party was just what I hoped it would be, and it didn't cost a lot of money or take a lot of time to plan, set up or clean up. My daughter and son helped me with the pre-party cleanup and setup, and my friend and daughter assisted with dishes and dismantling after the party. I was the princess with the magic wand making it all happen. I am still smiling at the outpouring of love that I experienced 

last night. 

Is there something that you are putting off? Making harder than it needs to be? I encourage you to put something on the calendar that you have been avoiding and just DO IT! You'll be glad you did.

Panic and Isolation

On Friday, shortly after arriving at her school retreat, my 14-year old daughter called home and said that she didn't feel well and wanted to come home. With kids, it's sometimes hard to know what's a real illness and what's exhaustion or indigestion. She was in the Berkshire mountains, about a two hour drive away, and I was just lighting the Sabbath candles. I don't drive on the Sabbath, so unless it was a life threatening illness, she was to rest up and we would touch base after nightfall on Saturday night.

Saturday afternoon, I got a call from the parent who had brought her up to the retreat. Normally, I don't pick up the phone on the Sabbath, but when my caller ID identified the caller as from the campsite, I picked up, concerned that my daughter had taken a turn for the worse.

The mom carefully explained that Sara had slept most of the day, seemed to have a fever, and was resting comfortably in her room. I asked if she felt that her symptoms were life threatening in any way, and she assured me that they were not. She then said something that greatly disturbed me. She reported that people were panicking. "Are they that concerned about my daughter?" I wondered. "No, they are concerned that she has the Swine Flu and they will all catch it! People are leaving the camp."

Sara was quarantined. Many parents were speaking behind my back and criticizing me and my ex for being bad parents and sending her to the retreat, posing a threat to all the attendees. Apparently, there were other kids who had a fever and were allowed free reign of the camp.

When the Sabbath ended, Sara's dad and I made the two hour trek in the pouring rain to the mountain retreat. Sara sounded great on the phone. She didn't feel sick. She was just angry. She felt that she was being treated unfairly. She told me that she felt like the children who had leprosy in the 1920's who were quarantined, removed from their parents' homes, and brought to the island of Molokai in Hawaii.

On Sunday, I spoke to a lot of people about the Swine Flu. It seems that if anyone is sick with the flu right now, it is probably the Swine Flu. Many more people have died from the more common strand of the flu than from the Swine Flu. 

I feel that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I am a firm believer in taking responsibility for educating yourself. Whenever I am faced with an illness, I take it upon myself to learn as much as I can. Only then can I choose the right doctor or the right type of medication that will work for me or my family.

I encourage you to educate yourself before jumping to any conclusions. The pain that can be caused by misunderstandings is far reaching. I can't blame the parents for misunderstanding my daughter's illness, but I can be angry that they treated her as a pariah. I can be sad that she felt left out and isolated. That I was criticized for my so-called poor parenting skills. 

Let's do ourselves a favor and become well-informed. Only then can we have compassion for the plight of someone suffering from an illness that we don't yet understand.

Morning Inspiration

I subscribe to two blogs. I am continually inspired by posts on  Danielle LaPorte's blog, White Hot Truth. I am paying it forward by sharing her post with you this morning.

Here is the You Tube  video  that she posted. It made me smile and it made me think. It is entitled "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie. 

The music is reminiscent of Jack Johnson, light and beautiful, simple and elegant.

Let me know if you like it!

My Bill of Rights

Following is a list of my non-negotiable Bill of Rights. These are the essential things you need to know about me if you are in my life, and this goes for clients, friends, family members and even people I barely know.

1. I value the truth. I vow to always tell the truth to the best 

     of my ability and expect the same from you.

     That includes telling me if I have toilet paper stuck 

      to the back of my shoe or if I have spinach in my teeth.

2. I value promptness. I will make every effort to show 

    up on time, whether it is to a coaching call or to 

     meet you, I hate waiting and I don't enjoy 

     making you wait. 

     I would appreciate the same from you.

3. I value meaningful and kind interactions. 

     This precludes speaking badly about people 

      behind their backs. If I have something to say to you, 

     I will make every effort to say it kindly to your face, 

     even if it is difficult. I expect the same from you.

4. I want to be appreciated for what I do for you. 

    That includes saying please and thank you and doing 

    random acts of kindness. I will make every effort to 

    be grateful and kind to you.

5. I need to trust that you will be there for me in a crisis. 

    I will be there for you. 

    That includes making food for you, giving you shelter, 

    taking care of your kids, lending you money, etc. 

6. I value sincere apologies. If I do something wrong, 

    I will apologize and have a productive conversation 

    with you about future wrongdoings. 

    If you do something wrong, I would appreciate the same.

7. I value being valued. To be loved for being me, 

    not for someone you wish I would be. 

    Right back at you.

8. I hate being yelled at and reprimanded. 

    Nothing good comes from 

    shaming me or anyone else. 

    In return, I won't yell at you.

What are your bill of rights? 

Firm or Harsh?

As an entrepreneur, my business practices have been evolving over the years. I can remember a few really sticky situations where I felt undervalued and underpaid by clients. In my work as an artist, I used to get so angry when a client bargained with me over my hand-painted furniture. My heart and soul went into my work. This wasn't something made in China in a factory, but something lovingly and painstakingly created by hand. How does one figure out the value of such a thing, let alone bicker over the price??

As a life coach, I now understand that I need to take full responsibility for what I create in the client/coach relationship. That includes setting up systems where I put a value on my time and my clients' time. Where there is mutual respect. And this comes from clear communication.

My very first paid client and I had no contract. She was an acquaintance and was excited about trying this newfangled thing called coaching. I had just begun my coach's training and naively set out to coach what turned out to be one of my most difficult clients. We agreed on a fee of $200/month for 4/45 minute sessions a month. Those forty-five minutes quickly turned into an hour and a half, as I was too polite to bring a session to a close. Payment? There were many excuses for the late payment, my favorite--"I put the check in an envelope and I am so angry that my husband didn't send it out. It's buried in a pile by the door." 

Well, a month went by and this client was becoming less and less accountable to the coaching. By the fourth session, she was coaching while on a treadmill, interrupting the coaching to yell at her husband. And her main coaching agenda was to become less overwhelmed! This coaching relationship was my blueprint for what not to do in future coaching relationships.

I realized that I needed a contract, and I needed to be clear about when sessions began and ended. Many other points were made in my contract. Whenever a new issue came up, it went into my contract so as to provide even more clarity for future clients.

This past week was week 2 in my June special offer for communication skill building. Last week, my new clients didn't have clarity about who called whom. I had taken for granted that clients knew to call me, so when the clients called in ten minutes late, I took responsibility for my mistake by giving them some extra time at the end of the session. This week, one of my clients didn't call at all. I realized that I hadn't been clear about my policy on a missed call. With my regular coaching clients, I have a two hour intake session where I go over my contract and outline my policies. With these special short term clients, I didn't have a contract. So, I quickly wrote up my policies on missed and late calls. 

One client wrote me that she felt that my policies were harsh. She felt reprimanded by my words. I took a second look and didn't see what she saw. I asked her to please let me know what she found harsh and how she might say it differently.

On second look, she realized that she had a hard time when trying to be firm with others. She wrote, "I have a very hard time telling someone who approaches me in a definitive, strong tone in the context of my interactions with them. I was happy that I actually communicated something that I have so much difficulty with and you didn't get angry at me or dismiss me or get defensive. That's why I have a hard time communicating with people, 'cause I am so fearful of their reaction."

So here is what I learned through this interaction:

1) It is essential to be up front and clear about my policies.

2) It is equally important to check in with clients as to how they are receiving my policies.

3) Never assume that you know someone's intention. Interrogate the truth. Check it out with them!

When we react to someone's words, there is often a truth there that is triggering us. This client realized her own truth about her difficulty with confrontation. And I realized that I still have work to do on being a clear and firm communicator!

Who's Driving You Today?

This morning, as my fourteen-year-old daughter left for school, I had to take some deep breaths to stay calm. Her disrespectful banter was really getting to me. It began the night before as we returned from the mall. She was angry that I wouldn't let her buy a second string bikini that was too skimpy and the wrong size. This morning, she began the day with some angry remarks and left the house in 

a bad mood. 

I sat at my computer to write my blog post, still stewing over the demeaning words. As a coach and an experienced mom, I logically know that she is merely going through a normal stage of differentiating herself from me, and I should be grateful that she is doing exactly what she should be doing. But my ego is hurt by her unkind words. 

I opened an email and found just the right inspiration for my bad mood. This is from Debbie Ford, a coach whom I respect and admire. It is from her soon to be published book, The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse.

"It is your soul's journey to bring into balance all of what you are -- the coexistence of opposites, the divine integration of the sum of all the parts. It is the soul's journey to enroll the ego in the quest for the ultimate victory -- the evolution of your own individual consciousness. But the journey must begin by choosing between two forces: one has the power to lead you to new heights; the other can keep you pinned down to a past that is filled with limitation and dread. Don't be fooled. You're living either an ego-driven life or one that is soul centered.

The soul discerns with a laserlike sharpness. The ego judges and rejects with disdain and aggressiveness. The soul takes responsibility.The ego blames and transfers responsibility. The soul moves through life with grace. The ego moves through life with sloppiness, chaos, and drama. The soul feels good about who it is and what it wants and needs to sustain itself, to grow and evolve. The ego never has enough; it can never leave well enough alone or see beyond the current circumstances. It is entitled, confused and feels stuck.

The ego is tirelessly swimming against the current, while the soul sits back and floats in the direction that life is moving in. You're either being guided by your soul or driven by your ego. At any time, you have access to either of these lifestyles, and to all the experiences and emotions they bring with them."

This was the perfect reminder to me that we are always at choice. And today, I choose to be driven by my soul, not my ego. I choose to take responsibility for what I create in my life. 

So when my daughter returns from school this afternoon, I will greet her with an open heart, with acceptance for where she is in her life right now. What will you choose?