My 18-year old son is leaving tomorrow night for a gap year in Israel. This is not my first experience with a child of mine going away for a year abroad, so on the one hand, I am acclimated to the idea of him leaving. I have been so okay that I am wondering if it's going to suddenly hit me and I will be overwhelmed with emotion. I am writing today to sort through and make sense of my feelings about my son leaving.
Max and I are very close. We share so much ~ our love of similar music, playing guitar and singing together, art, philosophy, outlook on life and our crazy sense of humor. Okay, now I am beginning to realize how empty and sad the house will feel with Max gone! My older daughter is moving to her first apartment about an hour away, so that will be another big change. And the only child left at home will be my fourteen-year old who will be starting a new high school an hour away, leaving at 7 AM, returning after 6 PM. That means longer days alone to devote to my work and my outside interests, fewer obligations to my family.
As my children grow up, there are many things to adjust to. There are feelings of loss and emptiness as the house empties out. And there are feelings of elation and freedom as I have more time to devote to my own self-growth, my business development, acquiring more knowledge, learning new things that I have always wanted to learn. I will be able to travel and even move in a few years if I find that there is someplace better for me.
As Max gets ready to go, I will be sad and I will miss him. I will also stay in close contact with him through Skype, email and phone. Time will move quickly and the year will pass. Max will have an enriching year, where he will taste his first sense of freedom from his family, a time for him to get connected to his culture and his roots, to enrich his mind and his spirit. I hope that he forms a band, a dream of his. And that he gets into the college of his dreams for the following year.
With all change comes growth and adventure. I look forward to helping my children cultivate their chances for optimum learning and self-growth. And that comes with letting go, one step at a time, one year at a time. The right kind of letting go can lead to the best kind of connection. The bigger the rope, the closer we can feel. Sounds like a paradox, but it really is not.
How good are you at letting go?
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When my girls left home, it was pretty easy. My oldest daughter moved into the dorms at her University just as we sold our home and moved into a 31 foot RV. And my youngest daughter started a Culinary School in Portland, met a young man and decided to move in with him. Even though I did not agree with her living arrangements, at least she was only 15 minutes away, so I could see her any time we wished. I think it's just the progression of life. As our children grow older and branch out on their own, it's not hard to let them go, because deep inside we know it's life and what's best for them. It's their turn to experience all the adventures they came to experience. And even though we miss them and sometimes feel lonely without them, knowing this truth deep in our hearts is like a salve.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story about letting go. Sounds like you made peace with their leaving, and that you really value your daughters and the connection and love you share.
ReplyDeleteMy situation is quite unique. Having three teenagers and a 2 1/2 year old I am going through the empty nest experience and yet now have a little one to deal with! My son, is my second child who just left to Israel (going to same school as your son!). My oldest is in college in NYC during the week and is coming home for weekends. That leaves my fourteen year old daughter and the baby at home. It is a wonderful blessing not to have a true "empty nest" yet at the same time I do have a hard time with feeling tied down once again. I was looking forward to having the freedom that you described in your post but then my life took an unexpected turn and I was blessed with this amazing gift!
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