Confront or Avoid?

I believe strongly in confrontation. While it is far from easy to confront, most people I know would rather do nothing than confront someone who hurt their feelings. Of course, there is also a small population of people I know who confront immediately, usually in a reactive, voices raised, all out screaming match. I prefer to not be reactive, mulling over my response for a bit before confronting. But I make it my business to confront.

If we hold back our feelings until the heat has passed, two things can happen.

1) We have a clearer head and can be empathic towards another, guaranteeing that the other person will better receive your message.

2) We "get over it" for a while. In my experience, this method of dealing usually results in the issues just laying dormant like a virus, ready to boil up again with the next similar trigger. At which time, all hell can break loose.

"S" is a woman who arrived two weeks ago to help mornings in the art room and work on the camp yearbook in the afternoons. Yesterday, the ceramics teacher and the woman who co-runs the art room left for the summer, eleven days before camp ends. While I am not happy that no one consulted with me about the impact that would have on my life, the deal was done by administration before camp began, so there was little I could do about it. I had already processed this and was prepared to be alone this week.

I had suggested to "S" that since her schedule is flexible in the afternoons, would she be willing to flip her schedule and help me in the afternoon, when I have full bunks of 15-20 campers, rather than the mornings, where I have a maximum of 8 kids. She said she would think about it and let me know.

So yesterday, when the two other teachers left and I was feeling overwhelmed, I asked again about the likelihood of her switching. She answered with an emphatic no, that her life was so stressed and that she really couldn't even help in the mornings, but would stay for one period. I was surprised at her response, but let it go. Not much I could do.

Okay, here's the trigger: First period in the afternoon, I have a full bunk doing a project that needs a lot of hands on help from me, and "S" shows up to work on her own project on another table! I felt my blood boiling, and a voice in my head said, "How dare she come in here to work on her own thing while I am teaching alone after she told me that she couldn't afford the time to help ME in the afternoons!!!" (Steam coming out of ears...)

Hence the impending confrontation. I have rehearsed what I want to say to her. Here goes:

"S", I need to talk to you about something. Is this a good time to talk? Great. So, yesterday, when you came in to work on your project during my afternoon class, I am imagining that you were there to take a break from your stressful schedule. That you were looking to alleviate some of your stress. Is this true? (wait for response)

Well, when you came in, it added stress to my life and I was angry. I was feeling very overwhelmed with all the changes in the art room and my added responsibilities. I would like to make a request that you work on your art when there is no class in session. Does that work for you?

Wish me luck! How do you deal with confrontation?