My mom just sent me an email about a writing contest for Real Simple magazine. The topic is "When did you first realize that you had become a grown-up?" and the prize is $3,000, the cost of putting in a new oil tank to replace my rusting one. I sure could use the money, and the contest is sparking the creative juices. Here's what I came up with so far:
1) Age 16, telling my mom to get divorced because they were always fighting, and I thought I understood what was best for the two of them. It took another 12 years, but they finally did listen to my teenage advice.
2) Getting married. Becoming a Mrs. was quite grown-up and carried with it a whole new set of life skills and responsibilities.
3) Giving birth to my first son, Avi, born with a fatal disease, Fanconi Anemia. I learned to advocate for him and became an expert in his disease. It was my first realization that doctors don't know everything.
I felt empowered in the only way I knew, as his caretaker and loving mom.
4) After Avi's death at age 5, I think I grew up even more.
Lots of life experiences to think about. More to explore in future blog entries.
When did you first realize you were a grown-up?
Posts
Good luck with the writing contest!
ReplyDeleteI think I first realized I was grown up when I saw my parents making the same mistakes with my little sister that they made with me. It hurts to see those mistakes all over again. It is like reliving it.
That is painful, Tori. I am certain that you are not making those same mistakes!
ReplyDeleteYou have the skill and wonderful ideas to be that winner! You already are a winner! I first knew I was a grown up when at age 18 I moved out into my first apartment; held down a full time job; went to college part-time, and worked as a volunteer on a crisis help-line until the wee hours in the morning.
ReplyDeleteHey Pat,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your beautiful acknowledgment. It sounds very grown up to be only 18 and working full time in your own apt while going to college and holding down a volunteer job as well. I'm exhausted just thinking about it...
The first time I was *treated* like a grown-up was when I was 16. I was sitting, drinking coffee and having a great conversation with the mom of a kid I babysat for (This mom was also a tremendously influential role model to me in terms of parenting). Her son (then 3, I think) came in the room and asked for some coffee. Melinda said no, saying "Coffee is a drink for grown-ups." I remember the excitement that fluttered up from my stomach to my head with the realization that Melinda had just referred to me as a grown-up!! It was truly a thrill!
ReplyDeleteThe first time I *felt* like a grown-up was when at 18, I moved out of my parents' home to become a nanny for a family on the other side of town. I had "my own place" (a mother-in-law apartment/room separate from the family's home, with its own bathroom and entrance). When I was off-duty, I was free to make my own decisions with how to spend my time and had no one keeping tabs on me.
I believe by the time I married at 25 I was a grown-up in many ways. And becoming a parent at 28 (and 32) moved me into a new and wonderful category of feeling truly grown up.
My father's death, when I was 35 compelled me to re-examine my place in my family and in the world. The year of mourning him was a true growing and growing-up experience.
Without question, my divorce (39-40) made me realize how much growing up I had done.
And sadly, planning my ex-husband's funeral and dealing with the aftermath of his suicide-- including raising my children now not just as a single parent, but as a solo parent (43 and on)-- have solidified this view of myself as a grown-up...
And yet, despite all this evidence, I still have to remind myself when my family members make comments about my continued lack of financial resources, not owning my own home, working in professions that don't pay well, etc, that struggling financially does not make me less of a grown-up. There are a lot of grown-ups who are still grown up, even if they can't make ends meet. But I have to watch myself to make sure I don't allow that button to be pressed too hard (including by me)...