It's Never Too Late

I am a big believer in second chances. One area in life where second chances are particularly relevant: Relationships. How many times have we regretted saying or doing the wrong thing? It happens to most of us. We can't be perfect. And yet, we often go into our heads and beat ourselves up and regret the moment where we tripped up.

That is not a very productive way to be in relationship, either with ourselves or with others. The effect of this way of thinking on ourselves is that we become stuck and feel bad and can spiral downward. We don't actually change the effect we had on someone until we take a new action. If we don't take action, we may never connect to another in a way that represents our true intentions. We won't be able to discover the possibilities that lie in making amends and asking for forgiveness.

A perfect example of second chances can be illustrated through my relationship with my kids. My oldest daughter and I locked horns for eight years. From when she was eight years-old to the time she was sixteen, I was always trying to gain her respect through compliance, and she was a headstrong and very opinionated girl who refused to do what she was told. I sometimes wondered why I was given such a challenging child. I read every book on child rearing that I could get my hands on. Some of the titles were, "Children: The Challenge", "Stress and Your Child", "Whining" and "Backtalk". I took her to see a play therapist. Nothing seemed to work. 

I do remember consciously hugging her and telling her that I loved her, even when we were in the throes of disconnect. This seemed to help. And slowly, over the years, we became closer. I learned to listen more, to impose less, to work in unison with what was important to her. 

She just turned twenty-one, and I am the person whom she turns to for love and connection. When she needs to work through an issue, she looks to me as a sounding board and advisor. We are closer than ever. And she has evolved into a young women whose self-confidence and internal moral compass inspire me!

Is there anyone in your life with whom you would like a second chance? Here are some pointers to get you started:

Conflict Resolution 101

1) Ask permission to have a difficult conversation with someone you're at odds with

2) Let them know your intention, ie: I want to connect with you because I love you.

3) Speak your mind and then ask how the other feels hearing you say that.

4) Ask them what is going on for them.

5) Listen!!!!

6) Make a specific and doable request moving forward.

It's never too late to have the relationship you always yearned for. Let me know what happens!