Building Bridges: Communication Skill Building

I just spent a lovely weekend with friends in Greenwich, CT. Friday night, we ate a delicious meal on the patio outdoors, lulled by the soothing sound of three man-made waterfalls. I sat next to an interesting man, and after a glass of wine, we began speaking freely about our children.

He has a twelve-year-old son whom he is raising mostly on his own. As a single dad of a first time adolescent, he is pained by the distance that has recently come between them. He told me of an incident that occurred that afternoon, when he took off work early to come to school and pick up his son. He found the boy playing football in the hot sun, and asked him to get in the car so he could drive him home. "I don't want to go home now! I am having fun with my friends. I want to walk home!" shouted the boy. "But I left work early to come and get you", answered Dad. "It's hot out and my car is air-conditioned. I miss you." said Dad.

The exchange did not end well, the father feeling hurt and rejected, and the boy feeling angry at having his fun and independence interrupted.

At dinner Friday night, I gave dad a few pointers:

1) Figure out what you were feeling and needing at the 

time of the argument

2) Give yourself empathy for your emotional pain

3) Guess at what your son might have been 

feeling and needing

4) Begin a dialogue with him with empathy 

and an open-heart

5) Once your son feels heard and understood, 

only then can you express what 

YOU were feeling and needing

6) Together, brainstorm some new ways of dealing 

with the emerging independence of your adolescent, 

where both of your needs will be met.

A relationship is a living thing. At every age and stage, we must redesign our alliances. Only then can we hope for compassionate communication. 

Right now, I am offering an intro to Communication Skill Building. If you sign up by midnight EST on May 27, you will be eligible for four 1/2 hour skill building sessions on communication for only $100. I am only offering this to the first ten people who sign up. These sessions will be conducted by phone. Sign up here if you are interested. 

Here's to compassionate communication this Holiday Weekend. Have fun and keep the peace!