I have a new parenting plan for my 14 year old daughter. I think it is a great plan for any relationship, business, social, parenting, whatever. So, I am sharing it with you and would like to know what you think.I sat down with a teacher of mine yesterday after a very spiritually uplifting class on the High Holidays. I respect her wisdom, and thought she would be a good one to seek out advice on parenting my very challenging, push the limits, back-talking, shut me out, daughter. Here's what she said (in a nutshell):
1) Tighten the boundaries. Let her know the expectations I have, and be clear. For example, to avoid the power struggle around computer abuse, tell her the computer needs to be out of her room by ten each night.
2) Broaden the love. Build in more positive interactions with her. Tell her I'd like to take her to see a great movie over the weekend. I did that last night and she seemed interested, in her far off, detached teenage mumbly manner.
3) Engage in less explaining. Stop telling her why I am doing the things I do that she disagrees with. She sees me as whiny when I do that. She doesn't care. I do. Drop it!
4) Let go of what isn't essentially important. Prioritize for the big picture, and let go of the minutiae. I'm workin' on that!
That's pretty much it. Plain and simple. So, I made a list for myself about what I wanted to create here in my home. I discussed my bottom line with her. I suggested the movie. And then I let go. Of expectations. Of hurt feelings. And I feel so much more at peace.
How can you apply these same principles to another relationship in your life?
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What wonderful advise! I sure wish I had that when my kids were 14! But it's easy to look back and regret. I choose to look forward with great joy at the relationships we have now, but I'm off on a tangent....sorry.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, sounds wonderful what you are doing for your daughter. She may not seem to appreciate it right now, but she will! I promise you that! My only advice to you now is, just sit back and relax. All is well.
You are right, Pat, best to look forward. I like to believe that we do what we do when we do it, because it's the best that we know at the time. We need to have those experiences in order to learn and grow and be better at the decisions we make and actions that we take moving forward in our lives.
ReplyDeleteI like to believe that I doing what is best right now, but I am also willing to look at improvements and tweaks I can make moving forward.
I would love to sit back and relax, and I also know that I am totally on my toes and not complacent.
Thanks for your comment!