Pat Goodeill, one of my blog followers, commented on my blog yesterday: "My two (daughters) are 22 and 24 and I wish I had known what I know now, but then they probably would not have turned out to be the beautiful girls they are today." I started thinking about hindsight and whether or not I believe that I would have done better or worse with prior knowledge.I do believe that we are comprised of a culmination of our experiences. As one of my campers in yesterday's art and meditation group said, all of it is important, the highs, the lows, the positive and the negative. There is learning in every experience if we choose to focus there.
So, would I have been a better parent if I would have known then what I know now? Possibly, but my kids had some tough experiences to weather which helped to form who they are today. My childhood trials and tribulations led to a lot of painful learning, but the end result is that I am tougher and smarter than I might have been if these lessons were taught to me through words rather than experience.
In my opinion, one of the biggest issues in this generation of child rearing is that children are often coddled too much. These children are not trusted to make their own mistakes and learn from them. They are not given the opportunities to become resourceful in tough situations. Many are still being over-parented well into their twenties, with reports of parents writing their kids' papers in college.
So, while I may have yelled too much when my skill set as a parent ran short in my earlier parenting years, my kids are turning out just fine. They are kind, loving, considerate, active members of their community. They are bright, engage well in conversation, and follow their heart and their passions. They are this way, I believe, because of a combination of all of their experiences, the tough and the easy, the resonant and the dissonant. It is this melting pot of experiences that has formed them into the fabulous people that they have become.
So, do I look back and say "what if..."? Absolutely not. The world is unfolding exactly as it should. What are your thoughts on hindsight? I would love to hear.
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I totally agree... I wouldn't change a thing... aside from the fact that I wouldn't be who I am today, who knows who would be around me? I have 4 great kids... if I could change something... done it differently in the past... maybe I don't even have these 4 kids... or any kids! What I can do is learn from what I did in the past and then decide if I want to choose to do things differently now and in the future...
ReplyDeleteMy two children are beautiful despite the fact they come from a divorced mom and dad and a mom who was at one time a anorexic and almost had a nervous breakdown. When the girls where in their late teens, I went to them and asked their forgiveness for what they had to endure in their young lives. They are the ones that embraced me and told me they are grateful for all their experiences, good and bad and would not change a thing for it formed them into the ladies they are today. One graduated with honors from SO. OR. University with a degree in Music Education (which she worked hard and put herself through), and the other is serving our country in the US Army and just got back from a tour in Kuwait. I'm blessed and proud of them both. But if I had coddled them, the story may be alot different.
ReplyDeleteYour blogs are so uplifting. Thank you for all your wonderful insight!
Sid: I love your statement about learning from the past and choosing to do things differently in the future. Amen!
ReplyDeletePat: What an inspiration to hear that your children have triumphed and learned from all their experiences to become the wonderful adults that they are.
Both of you are great examples of the beauty of compassion and connection to your children. Thanks for sharing your experience with me!