A Bigger Pond

The last post I gave was for a specific blog entry on my new website, http://www.abiggerpond.com. Please check it out and view my blog over there from now on. Thanks for following.

Sandy

We have moved!!!!!

My blog has officially moved to my new website, and can be found here: http://www.abiggerpond.com/carrots-eggs-or-coffee-which-one-are-you/. I will post a few more times from blogger, but am so excited to launch A Bigger Pond. Please visit and let me know what you think!

xoxo,

Sandy

Reflection on the Day of Atonement

When I was young, I used to dread Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. It represented hardship to me. No eating or drinking for 25 hours. I remember the withdrawal pains, how me and my friends used to smell gum wrappers and candy bars and reminisce about the joys of eating.

Today, my approach to Yom Kippur is much more spiritual. I don't really miss food. Okay, maybe a cup of coffee would be a nice way to start the day and stave off a possible headache, but I have been weaning myself off of coffee for the last two days, so that shouldn't be a problem.

As an adult, I appreciate the higher level of meaning that is relevant to living a deeper and more meaningful life. One of the concepts that is particularly pertinent to me is that we get the chance to self-reflect and be absolved of past sins. We get to end this day with a clean slate, and can create an intention for how we want to live our lives from this day forth.

When we take responsibility for what we are creating, with each encounter, every decision we make, every thought we have, action we take, we have a chance to live a more authentic life, one where we are not victims but active participants, no matter how tough the going gets.

On this Yom Kippur eve, I wish for all my friends and family, Jewish or otherwise, a year of abundant blessings, happiness, and emotional, spiritual and physical well-being. Enjoy creating your amazing life!

Tighten the Boundaries, Broaden the Love

I have a new parenting plan for my 14 year old daughter. I think it is a great plan for any relationship, business, social, parenting, whatever. So, I am sharing it with you and would like to know what you think.

I sat down with a teacher of mine yesterday after a very spiritually uplifting class on the High Holidays. I respect her wisdom, and thought she would be a good one to seek out advice on parenting my very challenging, push the limits, back-talking, shut me out, daughter. Here's what she said (in a nutshell):

1) Tighten the boundaries. Let her know the expectations I have, and be clear. For example, to avoid the power struggle around computer abuse, tell her the computer needs to be out of her room by ten each night.

2) Broaden the love. Build in more positive interactions with her. Tell her I'd like to take her to see a great movie over the weekend. I did that last night and she seemed interested, in her far off, detached teenage mumbly manner.

3) Engage in less explaining. Stop telling her why I am doing the things I do that she disagrees with. She sees me as whiny when I do that. She doesn't care. I do. Drop it!

4) Let go of what isn't essentially important. Prioritize for the big picture, and let go of the minutiae. I'm workin' on that!

That's pretty much it. Plain and simple. So, I made a list for myself about what I wanted to create here in my home. I discussed my bottom line with her. I suggested the movie. And then I let go. Of expectations. Of hurt feelings. And I feel so much more at peace.

How can you apply these same principles to another relationship in your life?

Look How Far You've Come

My client came to the call yesterday exhausted and overwhelmed. Seven months pregnant and suffering from Vertigo and low iron, her energy level was way off. She began the call focused on what wasn't working in her life. What was remarkable to me is that she was missing a noteworthy victory that she had orchestrated that week. She was so focused on what wasn't going well that she missed what was working.

How often do we focus on the missing pieces, what we haven't yet accomplished? How much time do we spend beating ourselves up for what we did wrong or didn't make time for?

What I know for sure is that when we focus our energy on what is working well, we are much happier. Our self-esteem rises a few notches. We feel we can accomplish even more, and we are forward-driven instead of stuck and grumpy.

I let my client vent for a few minutes yesterday, but it would not have served her to whine and complain for longer than that. I quickly reframed what she had accomplished that week. I acknowledged the grace and intelligence that she consistently applies to any difficult challenge. And I let her know how amazing she is for sticking to her clear values even when times are challenging, even when it goes against the status quo.

She left the call upbeat and excited to move towards her resonant goals. She has such a breadth of capabilities, and she can easily lose sight of them. I reminded her that whenever she feels distraught, she need only look at what she accomplished this past week. It was a stellar example of the strong values that comprise the unique human that she is.

While it's important to reflect on what didn't work in life, I believe it's only good to look there if the purpose is to learn and grow and move forward. Otherwise you stay stuck. And stuck stinks!

Spend some time today in reflection of how far you've come. List five remarkable things you accomplished this year. Share them here if you like. I would love to celebrate with you!

The Steps In-Between

Here's my current greatest challenge: How do I slow down and take the in-between steps to get from where I am to where I want to be? I get really excited at the beginning of any relationship. I see hope and possibility. I can meet a guy and within a week, I imagine walking down the aisle with him. I can connect with someone at a party or a networking event and imagine what I can do for them, my future clients. I can picture their lives filled with passion and purpose. All the lost souls, creative but not creating, keeping busy but not fulfilled. I can visualize their resonant future in our first encounter.

So, will the guy I meet be my husband? Probably not. Will the person I met at the party become my client? Probably not. But here's the magic word: NOW. Probably not NOW. Maybe down the line. The key is in building a relationship, whether it's with a man, a client or my children. Just because I have a vision for your future doesn't mean you are there yet.

I am working on tempering my initial excitement and setting the foundation to build the important relationships in my life.

Meeting the right people is the first step.

Staying connected in some way is step number two.

Making it work is down the line, steps number three, four, five and six.

Here's how I will make that happen at work.

1) I will continue to get myself out of my familiar surroundings so that I meet more people and open up my world.

2) I will continue to connect to the people I meet in a meaningful and honest way.

3) I will build relationships through subscribers to my monthly newsletter and my daily blog, and through offerings for workshops and public speaking engagements.

When someone is ready to coach one-on-one, they are making a big commitment. It is not realistic to commit to something without first building a relationship and credibility. I will continue putting my heart and soul into doing what I love, and the right relationships will build. Without the foundation, relationships will crumble. I want to be in relationship with people with whom I have built a strong foundation. And that requires patience and time.

How do you build and sustain your relationships?

My Aching Tooth: Another Reality Check

Sunday night I couldn't sleep. My back tooth was throbbing, a pain like never before radiated through my jaw. This is bad news, I thought. An infection for sure. At 7:00 AM, I phoned the dentist and by 5:00, I had part one of a root canal.

This morning, I am feeling a tiny bit better. I am on antibiotics and they are helping the infection. Whatever the Endodontist did to my nerve helped relieve the worst pain. Now I can finally reflect on what this all means in my big life picture.

The first thing that comes to mind is that my toothache was sent to me to learn humility and compassion. My dad was with me for the Rosh Hashanah Holiday this past weekend, and he was suffering from his own tooth problems. He had five teeth extracted, and his new denture was so uncomfortable that he could not chew. I had empathy the first few times he spoke about his pain, but lost patience sometime during the Friday night meal. I couldn't hear it anymore, as my dad has a tendency to ruminate and repeat and lament the past. It was making me CRAZY! So, I politely asked that he not discuss his tooth problem at the table. My 21 year old daughter reprimanded me for not having patience for my dad, saying it was okay for him to say whatever he wanted. I felt that she was undermining me, which triggered me to lash out at her. Let's just say it wasn't my proudest moment.

When my tooth started to ache two days later, I immediately thought of my dad. I could have been more kind and loving to him. I did take good care of him throughout the weekend, but his repetitiveness can grate on my nerves. I think that I am being called to do the internal work necessary to have more patience. It is where my life keeps pointing me, and it's a lesson well taken.

Last night, when my 14 year old did not ask me once how I was feeling, I realized how much I needed empathy. I told her how much pain I had been in, and she politely said that she couldn't really hear it. She said, "Mom, remember how you couldn't listen to Zaidy (my dad) talk about his teeth anymore. I feel the same way." Ouch, what goes around comes around!

So, with humility, I will admit that I need to work on patience, compassion, and giving even when it feels hard. I will try really hard to keep my ego in check so that I can be more open to what other people need.

What reality check have you recently had? What did you learn from it?